oVeR-LoAd

I am so overwhelmed right now! At home Ashley is failing language arts and doing poorly in everything else. The house is messier than normal. To top it all off, money is in short supply around here.

At work I'm trying to finish up the 2006 audit, get ready for the year end and catch up the bank recs. Also, we are implementing a new payroll module.

Deep Breath........


On a more positive side, I am firming up my transition plans. Not ready to go to the boss yet, but still planning. My goal is to be able to stay home by the time that school gets out in May. My next step will be to list out all our debts and come up with a plan to reduce them. If anything holds me back, it will be our debt. Hopefully we will be able to sell some things to help. My husband is considering transferring to a technician position within his company. If he does we can sell a vehicle because he will be able to drive a work truck.

I am also looking at things that I enjoy doing that I may be able to do to make some extra money. One thing that I like to do is decorate cakes. I have made quite a few and I've always been told that I should sell them. I'm in the process of testing recipes for cakes made from scratch. I may take a cake decorating class to expand my techniques.

I want to be really careful not to get so busy with things outside of my kids that once I quit work, I am just as frazzled. I know that I need something to do because I don't do well just staying home with no projects. I want to be able to run a smooth household - which I've honestly never done. I want to be available to my kids when they get home from school around 2:30 pm. I'd like to help with homework everyday and then they can help with dinner. Now, my husband cooks dinner - yes, I know how lucky I am. My husband loves to cook.


Money Rants...........

I feel like money holds me back from doing so much. I know that everyone wants to win the lottery. Of course, I'd take it, but really I'd like to feel secure. I'd love not to have any debt. To never consider a payday loan. To never be late on the water or electric bill. It must be great to get a bill in the mail and sit down and write the check and not have to wait until next payday.

I'm not into hyper-consumerism or anything. I don't need a giant house and expensive cars. I don't care to have Egyptian cotton sheets or designer clothes. It makes me sick to see how celebrities spend their money - what a waste. And before you say it, yes, it's their money and they can spend it as they wish. It's just my humble opinion that most of it is wasteful.

There are so many projects that I would like to be able to fund. This year we haven't been able to buy presents for kids from one of the angel trees like we always have in the past.

Enough for now...

What is something you've always wanted to do but can't afford?

Self Doubt Creeps in...

I wonder, can I really do it? Staying at home with the kids is so much harder than going to work. I've had such a long day today, and all I want is some down time, but the kids are so rowdy. How can I adjust to give them what they need?

Maybe I'll have enough time to clean and get some down time while they are in school once I quit working. Sometimes I think that I'm just not a good mom.

A day with my baby...

Today my littlest one was sick. I stayed home from work and didn't even feel guilty about it! I was able to lay in bed with my little one and just be with her without worrying about about anything else. It was great!

I'm so thankful for today. I hope my baby feels better soon. She's asleep now. Poor thing didn't get to eat much today.

She enjoyed today, too. My husband asked the kids a few days ago if they would like one of us to be home. The older two (8 & 10) didn't seem to care, but Emily really wants me home. Our goal is that I'll be home full time by February.

Parenting through a divorce?

I recently found the following article online and it is very disheartening to say the least. As a product of divorced parents, the experience described in this article is not what happened in my life. If two people that loved each other enough to get married and make babies cannot put aside their differences to raise their children properly, how are they going to manage to be as civil to each other as this article suggests?

Very few people go into marriage and begin raising a family thinking that they will divorce, but the reality of US family life in the 21st century is that the majority of marriages end in divorce.

And for divorcing couples with children, the children all too often end up in the middle of their parents' power struggle.

Too many couples let their negative feelings towards each other influence their parenting at the very time when their children need them most, using children as weapons in a custody battle, or trying to win their favor by verbally trashing the other parent.

Children facing divorce are already facing a possible change in their financial circumstances, the likelihood that they will be seeing one of their parents only at intervals, and that the activities which they enjoyed with that parent will be happening much less often.

No one expects a couple to go though a divorce without conflict, but one of their jobs as parents is to manage their conflict in a responsible way so that its effect on their children is minimized.

Even if they agree on nothing else, divorcing parents can attempt to develop a shared parenting style which eases their children's transition into their post-divorce life.

As soon as you know that divorce is in your future, you can begin preparing for its effect on your children by taking a class on parenting and divorce, and how to avoid putting your children in the middle of the conflict.

Your local family services agency will have information about local classes. You can also look for some of the many excellent age-appropriate books on divorce which you can read to and discuss with your children.

You and your spouse should have an adult conversation and come to an agreement about how you intend to share time with the kids. Make sure your spouse knows that the time you spend with the kids is very important to you, and that you know his or her time with them is equally important.

Devise a fair and workable schedule as early into the separation as you can, and stick to it. Your children will need consistency from you now more than ever.

Find positive things to say about your kids' next visit with their other parent; let them feel good about leaving you even if you don't feel good about it. When you drop your kids off, or they are picked up, be pleasant with your ex and leave your mutual problems for a private discussion.

If your child is having difficulty with the other parent, listen to what he or she is telling you, and do not intervene unless you think abuse is a real possibility. Let your kids learn to deal directly with their other parent.

If one of you has to change plans for a schedule visit for unavoidable reasons, let the other know in plenty of time, and try to remain open to switching visiting times occasionally to help each other out.

And never, ever use your kids as surrogate spouses, confiding in them inappropriately; and do not ask them to break a confidence which they have with your ex, or to be a go-between for the two of you when you are too angry to talk directly with each other.

About the Author

Author: Matt Garrett © 2007 www.PositiveParentingHandbook.com Get your Free 12 Part Ecourse on Positive Parenting for Raising Healthy, Happy and Smart Kids What Makes a Good parent.

Personally, I can't imagine being a single mom. As you know, I'm already concerned that I don't spend enough time with my children because I work full time. Single motherhood would guarantee that I always have to work full time, and I also wouldn't have my husband's help at home.

For those that already find themselves single parents, my prayers go out to you. May God help you find the strength to provide for and nurture your children. For those contemplating divorce, outside of abusive situations, please seek every alternative such as counseling. A solid, loving two parent home is the healthiest environment for children.

The Conviction...

I've recently been convicted by the Holy Spirit that I need to be home with my children instead of working outside of my home. The Lord showed me that I am giving the best of myself to my employer and my children and husband are stuck with the leftovers - tired, cranky, & lazy.

I'm uneasy with the knowledge that I'll go above and beyond at work, but at home, I just want peace and quiet. Which means that tending to my children has become a chore instead of a blessing.

The following verse from the Bible (NIV) speaks to me:

1 Thessalonians 2:6-8

6We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else.

As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, 7but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. 8We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.

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Wow! To me this is just such an eye opener! I need to stop looking for praise from men in the form of being important to an employer.

Feel the difference between the words 'burden' and 'gentle.' I don't want my own children to be a burden to me! I want to be that example of a gentle mother caring for her children. I want to share more than the same address with my kids - I want to share my life with them, because they are the most important people in the world to me.

Next step.........action plan

If you've transitioned from work to home, let me know how you did it! I will post some of my challenges soon, which include carrying the family medical insurance (at least until February when my husband will become eligible), scaling down our lifestyle, and too much debt.